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Surrendering and let go  

Life is so full of twists and turns. I thought I was getting on a flight to India tomorrow to be with my heart of hearts Prem Baba. After months of listening to his Sat Sanghs, reading his book "From Suffering to Joy" and watching so many beautiful videos of him, I really felt that his personal transmission was the next step on my journey. But as I have heard from so many classic stories before having the Guru moment, crisis strikes. Mine started Saturday, Feb 10th. 

I have been journeying on the most profound illness/cleansing/repatterning in my life. Waves of headaches, the most intense throat inflamation and each aches, making it excruciating to swallow and a mucus journey that is beyond the beyond. A few days ago mucus was coming out of me that I can only describe as toxic material. As I was expelling this, I kept asking the Mother and Prem Baba, what is this? And she spoke to me, "Do you see how toxic my waters are?" And then I had visions of Fukoshima, the Yangze, the Ganga, the Mississippi and it's tributaries, the amazon and the oil spills there, visions of toxic chemicals being poured into the waters. I immediately broke down into such depths of weaping and Ho'opono. I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love. Followed by "mother forgive me, for I know not what I do. Mother forgive them, for they know not what they do." She said, start by cleaning the waters. 

And of course it was also a representation of cleaning my waters, my emotions, my mind, my ego, my beliefs. Prem Baba teaches that it's not that we have to learn how to love, it's that we have to unlearn all the ways in which we distort what love truly is. It's not that we have to learn how to be in harmony with nature, it's that we have to unlearn the ways in which we exploit her. Love and harmony are our natural states, but how to return to that state is the journey. 

I was planning to be there with him for 3 weeks, until the closure of his season. I thought I was going to be well enough to get on the flight, because I was starting to feel really good yesterday, but today I had a strong relapse. No way I can do that flight. And realistically, not safetly for another week, and then India has it's own world of karma cleansing. 

Of course my extra kick in the ass is that I could have gone earlier, but decided I wanted to have more fun in Hawaii before going to Baba. Well, lots of fun here in the last week. Luckily I have been so blessed up to be cared up by my dear friend Jacqui Lalita. That was one more part of my surrender was to be able to ask for help when I was in dire need and that Baba would give me one of Earths finest. I had no idea of her mastery in herbalism and her curandera side. We went on quite a journey ourselves. So I bow to your Guan Yin essence Lalita ji. 

And given the state of my health I could probably jump over to India for 2 weeks, but I feel like the guidance is that we will meet again soon in person. For sure at Bhaktifest this September. 

Even as I write this tears stream down my face. It's a profound thing to be so moved by a master. And I know this is just a classic test of deeper levels of surrender. I feel his presence so deeply. Luckily, do due our modern infrastructure, I can still here all his Sat Sanghs via sound cloud, the ones currently happening in India and past years. 

Anyway, felt inspired to share with you all. Just keepin' it real ya'll!! The search for True Love, True Freedom is at hand. I take it very seriously and am very dedicated to it, though I am obviously still very distracted and on the healing journey. Thank you for witnessing me. Thank you for witnessing my growth. May it be fuel for your own sadhana's to find your way to Sat Chit Ananda, you True Conscious Bliss. 

And also please stay tuned as I am about to launch a fundraiser for my new album "Flower of Life" which is so nearly done and I am absolutely so excited about. I was going to launch on the new moon but as health would have it...surrender. So, I think I will launch that tomorrow or the next day when I feel better. Bless you all. Namaste and Sat Nam.